hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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