its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
