I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
