After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
