i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
