Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
