the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
