shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it because I queefed?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
