My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
