and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm at about main and main street
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
