Im at strip club and am horny
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
