i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
