I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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