That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
