the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
