I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
