:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
