I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
