smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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