Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
