Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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