these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
