While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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