Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
