I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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