Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
