I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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