my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
