Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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