I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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