I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
