Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
