Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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