You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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