Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
