I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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