you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
