you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
