Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
