fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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