took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
