the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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