I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
