He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
