I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
