They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
