shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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