yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
