May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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