so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The adults are the big ones right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
