You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
