My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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