Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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