trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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