I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
