Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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