I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
