This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
