how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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