New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
