im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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