Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we made out on top of his cat.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
