I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
