Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
