She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
