Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
