Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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