Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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