I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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