Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
