paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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