I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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