I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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