Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
