I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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