she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
