What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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