in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
