I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
