This is not my ceiling
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
