the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
