It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
