everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
