How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
