You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
