we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
