dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
