When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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