i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
