Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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