Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
