i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize