My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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