I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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