whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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