i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
