I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
