You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
