I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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