??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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