it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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