you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
