she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
