I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
