I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
