Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
