You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
