After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
