I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
