I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
