Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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