You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
